Are you worried?

I know, I know, I post something awful like that and then you don't hear from me for almost 2 weeks!

I wish I could say that I have been healed and everything is hunky-dorey, but it's not. I will, however, say that things do not feel as dire as they did. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends and family who have reached out to support me through my mini-crisis.

Here's an update: I cry a lot still, but I am having more fun with Christian and he and I are getting more into a routine. At least now I don't feel like SUCH a bad mom.

I went to an ultrasound of baby girl so they could estimate her size and while there, the doctor did a close-up of her face and you could already see the outline of chubby cheeks and the fuzz of hair. It made things a lot more real, but in a GOOD way. I am not just focusing on the fact that I will be having another kid who will be high-maintenance...now I am focusing on the fact that I am having a baby girl who has CHUBBY CHEEKS! She's real, and I feel blessed to be a mom. Do you know what else helped make this baby girl feel real? Making headbands for her. A big shout out to my friend Stephanie for coming down and supplying me with the tools and knowledge to make some simple headbands for this little girl!

At the ultrasound, they estimated her weight to be about 8 lbs. Luckily, not as big as my doctor thought. This is GREAT news because he was thinking I would have to either be induced at 38 weeks (which would be TOMORROW!) or schedule me for an ultrasound. Since she was only 8 lbs, he is letting me go to June 10th (2 days before my due date) before he will induce me. My induction with Christian was pretty much a nightmare though, so I am praying that she gets to come on her own sometime before the 10th.

I got to visit my dear sister in law Morgan and her family this weekend. It was a gamble since I was about 2 1/2 weeks from my due date, but one that I decided was worth it. So Christian and I hopped into the car on Thursday and drove the 7 hours or so down to SoCal to visit. I had a great time, and a much needed break from life. We talked and laughed and she reassured me that "mom guilt" is normal, and that having two kids is an adjustment, but that I will figure it out. Mostly, she took me to frozen yogurt TWICE and still managed to help me keep my blood sugar numbers where they needed to be. Basically, it was an amazing trip.

The moral of the story is: things are hard sometimes, but with the love of family, friends and a Father in Heaven who hears and understands my barely coherent sobbing prayers, I know now that I can get through this. It isn't easy and some days are definitely better than others, but now I know the world isn't ending and life will go on.

Here's a picture I took of myself at the doctor's office last week at 37 weeks. My face still cracks me up.