A ridiculously long account of Jocelyn's Birth Story

Get ready for a novel! But I promise there are pictures at the end!!

Here's the scoop, and I am sorry if it is more detailed than you want! So originally they told me they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks seeing as I had gestational diabetes and it was my third baby. Luckily, I was managing the diabetes with my diet instead of medication (which apparently is rare these days!), and so my doctor agreed to let me go to my due date. I was so excited and completely convinced that I was going to have the delivery I always wanted. I had been having regular contractions for like two weeks (I had never had contractions before), and at my doctor's appt on my due date, he said I was already dilated to 3 cm, which was amazing! I had never dilated before. He scraped my membranes and said he would let me go until the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and then we would re-evaluate. I ended up having more and more contractions all weekend and even lost my mucus plug (sorry if that's TMI!!), and so again I was super excited that I was progressing.

Fast forward to Wednesday. I was disappointed that I hadn't gone into labor, but I just knew that everything was fine and the doctor would let me at least have Thanksgiving before he forced me to be induced (because going past 41 weeks with gestational diabetes is a huge no-no apparently). So I go in for my appointment, and...I am still only dilated to a 3. Disappointing. He was also a little worried because I had gained a total of 12 lbs during this pregnancy, and over the course of the last 3 weeks...I lost 11 of those lbs, bringing my total weight gain to 1 lb. He wasn't freaking out, but he was definitely a little concerned that my body was having trouble carrying the baby. Any way, he agreed to let me go until Friday so I could have Thanksgiving with my family. So he schedules the induction for Friday afternoon, and then he says that I just have to go and do a non-stress test before I go to make sure everything is okay.

I go in for the NST and the first 20 min are amazing. She looked great, she was getting all of her movement and accelerations, etc...but then, there was a deceleration. And then another one. So they said I needed to go and be monitored at Labor and Delivery for a more extended time, but to basically plan on having the baby that day. I was in shock. I totally started crying. So I called Jared and told him he needed to leave work and come meet me, and I went and sat in the car and basically cried hysterically. I honestly just couldn't believe it was happening, and I hadn't had any time to process the change. Thank goodness I'd had the forethought to pack my hospital bag that day! Jared gets there and we walk in together. They hook me up to monitors, and I am on them for a few hours. The doctor comes in and says the same thing...that for the most part, the baby looks great, but there are enough decelerations to make her wary of sending me home. So they admit me.

I send Jared home to go and get his stuff because I know from experience that getting set up for an induction takes a while. Unfortunately, he is gone a lot longer than I thought he would be, and the longer I am alone the more emotional I get. At one point, the nurses come in to put in my IV and the first, second and third poke fail. A new nurse comes in and makes another attempt in my hand. It hurt so much, and was the final straw. I completely lost it. I was sobbing like a lunatic, and I couldn't stop. They thought they hurt me and were freaking out and I tried to choke out that it had nothing to do with the IV! I just felt so devastated and completely unprepared. I had dropped the kids off at my parent's house and they didn't know what was happening and I hadn't been able to warn them, and...I don't know, everything was just overwhelming me.

Finally, about 20 minutes later I am able to pull myself together, and Jared finally gets back. I had been started on pitocin and was starting to have regular contractions. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I hate those fake contractions that come full force. I hate being tied down to a bed and monitors. It is exactly what I wanted to avoid! By this point it is almost 8:00 pm. Jared told me that he went and saw the kids before he came up, and that made me feel better at least. The next 3-4 hours were pretty uneventful except for contractions here and there. ALTHOUGH, I did have another first. I went to use the bathroom, and I was getting ready to finish and all of a sudden I felt a little kick and what felt like a whoosh! I stood up and saw that my water had broken! I was so excited, that had never happened before either! I came out and told the nurse, and then the rest broke and I like exploded...it was the weirdest feeling! I had no idea that it would be like that. She helps me get cleaned up and back into bed, and then every time I have a contraction....more oozes out. Weirdest. Feeling. EVER.

The midwife comes to check me around 11:00 and says I am only at a 4 and asks if I am ready for my epidural. I told her I want to keep laboring longer so that it doesn't stall. Around midnight, the contractions are getting more painful and I am ready to nap, so I have the nurse call the anesthesiologist. He gives me an epidural and I am finally able to relax and take a short nap. Unfortunately, it was pretty short lived. At 2:00 am, I start to have more painful contractions. I should note that for whatever reason, my body processes pain medication quickly, and so epidurals, for me, are not always long term solutions. I call the nurse and tell her I am still having a lot of pain, and so I end up pushing my button to release more medicine and hope for the best. It didn't help. For the next 2 hours I felt every freaking contraction and they were getting worse and worse. By 4:15 am, I am crying out loud enough that I wake Jared up.That's when things get crazy.

The pain is so bad now that I am almost yelling out, and I start crying. I had never felt contractions like this before. They'd turned up the pitocin so high that I was having basically no relief or recover time. My body started going into shock. I was shaking so hard the bed was moving. It was scary and made me even more stressed. The midwife came in and said that I was at 6 cm, but that the baby was still pretty high up. They help me turn onto my side to see if that will provide me some relief...it doesn't. I decide that I am just going to start pushing a little during my contractions to see if that will help, and it does a little. This goes on for about 25 minutes, but at this point I am shaking so badly that Jared is worried I am going to pass out. He calls the nurse and she comes in. They put blankets on me and try to get me to calm down, but I am in so much pain I felt almost crazy. I tell the nurse that I feel like I need to push, so she calls the midwife to come and check me again. Keep in mind, it has been less than 30 minutes from when I was 6 cm. The midwife comes in and asks me what is going on, and I think she is trying not to be patronizing, but I can tell that she thinks I am being a drama queen. I tell her that I feel like I need to push, so she says I can try if I think it will make me feel better.

At this point, Jared jumps in and starts talking me up saying that I am this amazing pusher and basically acting like I am going to blow their socks off. I get so mad! I said that he needed to stop talking me up because this time around I didn't feel strong - physically or emotionally. I was barely holding it together, it was NOTHING like the first two births. I felt everything and I thought I was going to die. For those moms who have gone natural, more power to you! I have NEVER had a desire to do that, and this was basically my worst nightmare coming to pass.

Well, I started to push and everyone snapped into action. Apparently on the first push they could see her head! The midwife was shocked. In 30 minutes I went from not even close to ready - to having the baby trying to come out! No wonder my body was in shock! It took three big pushes and out came the biggest freaking baby I had ever seen! A quick side note: even though I had never wanted a natural birth, I will say that there was a huge difference. It hurt like hell, but I was able to actually feel my body, and I knew when to push hard, when to stop...it was pretty amazing, and I am convinced that is why I delivered a 10 lb 5 oz baby without tearing at all. Oh, and she was 22 inches long. DANG! No wonder I felt huuuuuuge!

After that, things were good. She looked so much like my other two babies, I just had to laugh! Jared and I make "cookie cutter" babies apparently. I was still recovering afterward to be honest though. I felt completely exhausted which was new for me. After delivering the other two, I felt invigorated and full of adrenaline, but this baby was different. We notified our family that baby was here, but asked that people not come until afternoon or evening because I just wasn't up to visitors...this was also new! My hospital stay was uneventful, except for their breastfeeding requirements from hell, but that's a story for another day! We celebrated Thanksgiving in the hospital and were released in the early evening Friday night.

Most people ask about how we chose the name. Jared and I usually have a "short list" of three or four names we like, going into the hospital. Once the baby is born and we see them, we will finalize the choice. We had a harder time for Baby #3, and hadn't really narrowed it down; don't get me wrong though, I had definite favorites! On Friday, I was trying to get Jared to commit to a name and I asked him to read through our list of possibilities - there were about 10-12 names on it. He read them, and he got to the name Jocelyn and I felt a little "ping" in my heart. I don't know how to describe it. It just felt right...which is funny because it wasn't one of my favorites - not even close! I told Jared how I felt, and he told me that Jocelyn was the name he had been feeling since he saw her. I took that as a sign and we both agreed on Jocelyn Rose.

JoJo is as sweet as can be, and I find myself drawn to her. Where my second baby threw me off balance, and was the start of  months of post-partum depression, baby three has leveled me out and I feel peaceful. That isn't to say that I am not crazy tired and busy and stressed some days! But from the moment I held her, my world felt right. Does that sound cheesy? Probably. I just don't know how else to describe it!

"Seriously? You're taking photos right now?"

"Fine. Then I will glamour shot the heck out of you"

This picture is ugly-pretty, but it completely sums up how emotionally broken I felt after giving birth to JoJo.

My little snuggle bug from the beginning

Look at those fingers!

I love this face - she still makes it RIGHT before she is going to start screaming!

A great photo of her hair!

Meeting her Aby for the first time.

<3 td="">

Those cheeks though.

Grandma and Grandpa meeting grandbaby #4

Leila shocked me and could not WAIT to hold "Doedoe"

Christian was a loving and protective brother from the get-go.

One of my favorite shots.

My two beauties.

Auntie Brooke getting her baby fix.

The kids held Baby JoJo for like 5 seconds and then...started eating all my snacks! Thanks Sister Collette for the delicious muffins!

That scrunched up face! lol

Baby Jocelyn, thank you for filling a hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there. I can't wait to get to know you better and see how you fit into our crazy family. You were loved from Day 1 and I am so grateful to be your mommy!

Baby #3

I haven't done very many (or any?) posts about this pregnancy. As any mama knows, the more kids you have, the less time you have to devote to thinking about a new baby. This pregnancy has been harder, in a different way, than the other two. Kids are not sensitive to mommy when she feels sick. They don't care that my back hurts or I am tired...they still want food! and shows! and their toys! and to go somewhere! I also have had nausea throughout this entire pregnancy, instead of it ending after the first trimester. This is lame and I don't think it's fair at all. Having food aversion, nausea and gestational diabetes is basically the worst combination ever. I HAVE to eat so my blood sugar remains steady, but eating makes me want to (or actually) vomit. It is a difficult cycle.

My weight gain has been good - less than 10 lbs with 4 weeks to go. I worked really hard to walk and watch what I ate in the hopes that I could avoid gestational diabetes and be able to *gasp* go into labor ON MY OWN. What a novel idea!? Unfortunately, it does not look like that is a possibility, which is, of course, disappointing. BUT I am grateful to be a mom to another child, and how she gets here won't matter. At this point, I am just praying that they will let me get to 38 weeks. She is measuring about 2 weeks ahead in terms of size, so fingers crossed! Things have been a little stressful including contractions that came every 10 minutes for over 15 hours, shooting my blood sugar into the 300's, and generally freaking this mama out. They are estimating baby to be well over 7 lbs with 4 weeks to go, which is scary for several different reasons. ;) I am trying to take things easy and remain optimistic though!

I have to give a quick shout out to my Mom and Dad, Emily, and Elena for completely saving my life these past few months. My parents take my kids every time I have a doctor's appointment so I don't have to bring them with me. They have been helping with preschool pick up and drop at least a few times a week this past month or so. They take my kids out of the house when it feels like more than I can do. Emily and Elena drop off meals, go to the grocery store and run errands for me, and generally make my life worth living most days. Brooke and Beth have also stepped in to help when they can and I am so grateful to all of you!

We have been getting this question a lot, so just so you know, Jared and I do NOT have a name picked out, but we have LOTS of possibilities. We never pick a name before we meet the baby, but we usually have a "short list" of 2-3 names we both like. This time around it is proving much more difficult to agree. Jared really wants to have a family name from his side of the family, but with this being grandchild number 18...the pickings are slim. I would love to have at least a family name for the baby's middle name, so hopefully we can come up with one we both like!

Jared's current favorites are:
Jade
Rose
Addison
Roxanne
Josie

My current favorites are:
Bianca
Josette
Lydia

 Fingers crossed that we can agree before we leave the hospital - or come up with something better!

Baby's First Picture

20 weeks

28 weeks

32 weeks

36 weeks and wearing the same shirt. Thank goodness it still fits!

Emotionally, I am doing a lot better with this pregnancy than I did with number 2. There haven't been very many panic attacks or freak outs that I am making a horrible mistake! Just a few ;) I do not feel ready for this baby, but I am excited to meet her. I feel blessed to have this opportunity, and I try to remember this when the days are long and hard, and when I feel like crap. I am so grateful to be surrounded by friends and family who are so supportive over this crazy life we have chosen. Thank you to everyone who makes me laugh, asks me how I am doing, offers to help, and listens to me cry when things get overwhelming. Love you!

A Leila update and picture overload

I don't even know how to start this update. Leila is....beautiful. Inside and out. She is feisty and FUNNY. So, so, so funny. Christian always makes me laugh because of what he says, but often he is totally weird. Leila just has it. She doesn't even need to use words to be a complete comedian and she constantly keeps me on my toes. About 7 weeks ago, I started watching my friend Emily's foster child. Her name is Elizabeth and she was 19 months when she first joined us. She is a fire cracker too, and although Leila and Elizabeth butt heads, I have been completely amazed at how much Leila has grown. So many of my fears of having this new baby have been alleviated as I watch Leila interact and play with someone younger than her. I can often hear Leila calling out, "M'on!" which means come on. She calls Elizabeth "Baby" and will constantly give her hugs and kisses. In so many ways it is like having twins, and it has been such a joy to watch Leila grow into the role of older sister. I can't wait for this new baby to join our family now!

Leila's speech has been a continual problem. SO many people have told me to just wait, and that it would come; that one day I would be so surprised because she would just start talking. While I have appreciated the love and reassurances, I also knew in my gut that it just wasn't true. She and I have been working continuously on making new sounds and trying new words, and she really is making leaps and bounds, but the doctor has finally scheduled her to be evaluated at the end of this month to see if her speech problem is neurological or muscular. I am, of course, praying that she just needs to strengthen the muscles in her tongue and mouth, but look forward to the help and guidance I know I will receive from speech therapy regardless of the problem. Right now, her speech is considered on target for a 12-15 month old, and she is 28 months. We have some definite ground to make up, but I know that once she learns to speak, NOTHING will hold this little girl back.

At her most recent doctor's appointment, Leila was in the 95th percentile for height, and 50th percentile for weight. So while she is not as tall as her brother, she is definitely tall for her age! Right now Leila loves:

Cheez-its
My Little Pony
Any animals - stuffed or real
"titchers" (stickers)
The Jungle Book
Running anywhere as fast as she can
Snuggling with her Daddy
Drawing/Coloring/Arts and Crafts
Jumping on the trampoline
Nuggets from Chick fil A

Her Best Friends Are:
"Tistan" (Christian)
Elizabeth
Elaine

And now for the onslaught of cuteness.

This girl LOVES her ponies.

Here, she stole someone's Thomas the Train hat. Basically, nothing your kids leaves out will go untouched by Leila.

Throwing a tantrum is a daily occurrence

Happy 4th of July from the cutest girl!

This is from her trip with Dad and Christian to visit Aunt Jen.

Meeting one of Aunt Lesley's horses. She was in love.

While she may be small, she is scrappy. I am always on the watch to see who she may be trying to crush or beat up. Here she is getting CJ to submit!

A toothbrush, headband, tutu, and My Little Pony shirt is all she needs to be happy

Visiting San Francisco. She loved the Bay and watching all the boats and birds.

Arts and Crafts time!

Mom trying to get her to laugh.

Dad can always get a genuine smile...this girl loves her Daddy.

On our way to the zoo!

Need I say more?

Leila got a date with Mommy and Daddy too. We had a great time.

She is wild and crazy though. Why use puppets when you can just stick your head out?

Well, we had a great time until it was time to have her hair cut, of course.

While CJ hated the sand, Leila couldn't get enough of the beach. She is my water baby for sure.

Here she is angry and raging that I am taking her picture while she devours her hamburger.

This Minnie Mouse hat is her favorite.

And who can forget her Rainbow Dash costume? <3>

She is so crazy and inventive. I never know what to expect from her.

Messy face and hair, don't care.

Wanting to be a big girl and go to school with Christian

It's so fluffy!!!!!

She would have taken that unicorn home if she could have.

And, of course, we can't forget the story where Mom couldn't find Leila ANYWHERE, only to discover her in the garage watching the iPad in a laundry basket. Sometimes, she just needs her alone time!

There was something about this picture that just transported me to the future. I can see her, 15 years from now in this photo.

Leila, you are fun and hilarious and sweet and sooo defiant. I love everything about you, and you also frustrate me to no end. As your current favorite book says though, "I love you any way you are. I love you because you're you."