A ridiculously long account of Jocelyn's Birth Story

Get ready for a novel! But I promise there are pictures at the end!!

Here's the scoop, and I am sorry if it is more detailed than you want! So originally they told me they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks seeing as I had gestational diabetes and it was my third baby. Luckily, I was managing the diabetes with my diet instead of medication (which apparently is rare these days!), and so my doctor agreed to let me go to my due date. I was so excited and completely convinced that I was going to have the delivery I always wanted. I had been having regular contractions for like two weeks (I had never had contractions before), and at my doctor's appt on my due date, he said I was already dilated to 3 cm, which was amazing! I had never dilated before. He scraped my membranes and said he would let me go until the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and then we would re-evaluate. I ended up having more and more contractions all weekend and even lost my mucus plug (sorry if that's TMI!!), and so again I was super excited that I was progressing.

Fast forward to Wednesday. I was disappointed that I hadn't gone into labor, but I just knew that everything was fine and the doctor would let me at least have Thanksgiving before he forced me to be induced (because going past 41 weeks with gestational diabetes is a huge no-no apparently). So I go in for my appointment, and...I am still only dilated to a 3. Disappointing. He was also a little worried because I had gained a total of 12 lbs during this pregnancy, and over the course of the last 3 weeks...I lost 11 of those lbs, bringing my total weight gain to 1 lb. He wasn't freaking out, but he was definitely a little concerned that my body was having trouble carrying the baby. Any way, he agreed to let me go until Friday so I could have Thanksgiving with my family. So he schedules the induction for Friday afternoon, and then he says that I just have to go and do a non-stress test before I go to make sure everything is okay.

I go in for the NST and the first 20 min are amazing. She looked great, she was getting all of her movement and accelerations, etc...but then, there was a deceleration. And then another one. So they said I needed to go and be monitored at Labor and Delivery for a more extended time, but to basically plan on having the baby that day. I was in shock. I totally started crying. So I called Jared and told him he needed to leave work and come meet me, and I went and sat in the car and basically cried hysterically. I honestly just couldn't believe it was happening, and I hadn't had any time to process the change. Thank goodness I'd had the forethought to pack my hospital bag that day! Jared gets there and we walk in together. They hook me up to monitors, and I am on them for a few hours. The doctor comes in and says the same thing...that for the most part, the baby looks great, but there are enough decelerations to make her wary of sending me home. So they admit me.

I send Jared home to go and get his stuff because I know from experience that getting set up for an induction takes a while. Unfortunately, he is gone a lot longer than I thought he would be, and the longer I am alone the more emotional I get. At one point, the nurses come in to put in my IV and the first, second and third poke fail. A new nurse comes in and makes another attempt in my hand. It hurt so much, and was the final straw. I completely lost it. I was sobbing like a lunatic, and I couldn't stop. They thought they hurt me and were freaking out and I tried to choke out that it had nothing to do with the IV! I just felt so devastated and completely unprepared. I had dropped the kids off at my parent's house and they didn't know what was happening and I hadn't been able to warn them, and...I don't know, everything was just overwhelming me.

Finally, about 20 minutes later I am able to pull myself together, and Jared finally gets back. I had been started on pitocin and was starting to have regular contractions. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I hate those fake contractions that come full force. I hate being tied down to a bed and monitors. It is exactly what I wanted to avoid! By this point it is almost 8:00 pm. Jared told me that he went and saw the kids before he came up, and that made me feel better at least. The next 3-4 hours were pretty uneventful except for contractions here and there. ALTHOUGH, I did have another first. I went to use the bathroom, and I was getting ready to finish and all of a sudden I felt a little kick and what felt like a whoosh! I stood up and saw that my water had broken! I was so excited, that had never happened before either! I came out and told the nurse, and then the rest broke and I like exploded...it was the weirdest feeling! I had no idea that it would be like that. She helps me get cleaned up and back into bed, and then every time I have a contraction....more oozes out. Weirdest. Feeling. EVER.

The midwife comes to check me around 11:00 and says I am only at a 4 and asks if I am ready for my epidural. I told her I want to keep laboring longer so that it doesn't stall. Around midnight, the contractions are getting more painful and I am ready to nap, so I have the nurse call the anesthesiologist. He gives me an epidural and I am finally able to relax and take a short nap. Unfortunately, it was pretty short lived. At 2:00 am, I start to have more painful contractions. I should note that for whatever reason, my body processes pain medication quickly, and so epidurals, for me, are not always long term solutions. I call the nurse and tell her I am still having a lot of pain, and so I end up pushing my button to release more medicine and hope for the best. It didn't help. For the next 2 hours I felt every freaking contraction and they were getting worse and worse. By 4:15 am, I am crying out loud enough that I wake Jared up.That's when things get crazy.

The pain is so bad now that I am almost yelling out, and I start crying. I had never felt contractions like this before. They'd turned up the pitocin so high that I was having basically no relief or recover time. My body started going into shock. I was shaking so hard the bed was moving. It was scary and made me even more stressed. The midwife came in and said that I was at 6 cm, but that the baby was still pretty high up. They help me turn onto my side to see if that will provide me some relief...it doesn't. I decide that I am just going to start pushing a little during my contractions to see if that will help, and it does a little. This goes on for about 25 minutes, but at this point I am shaking so badly that Jared is worried I am going to pass out. He calls the nurse and she comes in. They put blankets on me and try to get me to calm down, but I am in so much pain I felt almost crazy. I tell the nurse that I feel like I need to push, so she calls the midwife to come and check me again. Keep in mind, it has been less than 30 minutes from when I was 6 cm. The midwife comes in and asks me what is going on, and I think she is trying not to be patronizing, but I can tell that she thinks I am being a drama queen. I tell her that I feel like I need to push, so she says I can try if I think it will make me feel better.

At this point, Jared jumps in and starts talking me up saying that I am this amazing pusher and basically acting like I am going to blow their socks off. I get so mad! I said that he needed to stop talking me up because this time around I didn't feel strong - physically or emotionally. I was barely holding it together, it was NOTHING like the first two births. I felt everything and I thought I was going to die. For those moms who have gone natural, more power to you! I have NEVER had a desire to do that, and this was basically my worst nightmare coming to pass.

Well, I started to push and everyone snapped into action. Apparently on the first push they could see her head! The midwife was shocked. In 30 minutes I went from not even close to ready - to having the baby trying to come out! No wonder my body was in shock! It took three big pushes and out came the biggest freaking baby I had ever seen! A quick side note: even though I had never wanted a natural birth, I will say that there was a huge difference. It hurt like hell, but I was able to actually feel my body, and I knew when to push hard, when to stop...it was pretty amazing, and I am convinced that is why I delivered a 10 lb 5 oz baby without tearing at all. Oh, and she was 22 inches long. DANG! No wonder I felt huuuuuuge!

After that, things were good. She looked so much like my other two babies, I just had to laugh! Jared and I make "cookie cutter" babies apparently. I was still recovering afterward to be honest though. I felt completely exhausted which was new for me. After delivering the other two, I felt invigorated and full of adrenaline, but this baby was different. We notified our family that baby was here, but asked that people not come until afternoon or evening because I just wasn't up to visitors...this was also new! My hospital stay was uneventful, except for their breastfeeding requirements from hell, but that's a story for another day! We celebrated Thanksgiving in the hospital and were released in the early evening Friday night.

Most people ask about how we chose the name. Jared and I usually have a "short list" of three or four names we like, going into the hospital. Once the baby is born and we see them, we will finalize the choice. We had a harder time for Baby #3, and hadn't really narrowed it down; don't get me wrong though, I had definite favorites! On Friday, I was trying to get Jared to commit to a name and I asked him to read through our list of possibilities - there were about 10-12 names on it. He read them, and he got to the name Jocelyn and I felt a little "ping" in my heart. I don't know how to describe it. It just felt right...which is funny because it wasn't one of my favorites - not even close! I told Jared how I felt, and he told me that Jocelyn was the name he had been feeling since he saw her. I took that as a sign and we both agreed on Jocelyn Rose.

JoJo is as sweet as can be, and I find myself drawn to her. Where my second baby threw me off balance, and was the start of  months of post-partum depression, baby three has leveled me out and I feel peaceful. That isn't to say that I am not crazy tired and busy and stressed some days! But from the moment I held her, my world felt right. Does that sound cheesy? Probably. I just don't know how else to describe it!

"Seriously? You're taking photos right now?"

"Fine. Then I will glamour shot the heck out of you"

This picture is ugly-pretty, but it completely sums up how emotionally broken I felt after giving birth to JoJo.

My little snuggle bug from the beginning

Look at those fingers!

I love this face - she still makes it RIGHT before she is going to start screaming!

A great photo of her hair!

Meeting her Aby for the first time.

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Those cheeks though.

Grandma and Grandpa meeting grandbaby #4

Leila shocked me and could not WAIT to hold "Doedoe"

Christian was a loving and protective brother from the get-go.

One of my favorite shots.

My two beauties.

Auntie Brooke getting her baby fix.

The kids held Baby JoJo for like 5 seconds and then...started eating all my snacks! Thanks Sister Collette for the delicious muffins!

That scrunched up face! lol

Baby Jocelyn, thank you for filling a hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there. I can't wait to get to know you better and see how you fit into our crazy family. You were loved from Day 1 and I am so grateful to be your mommy!